zaadz is now the earth mother--how cool is THAT? lol--been a busy little beaver--got myself a new website--www.rocknrollgoddessspeaks.com where i blog on everything from motherhood to law of attraction to roadtrippin through this wonderful life of ours!  check it out! :)

nothing much to say except its amazing to revisit an old stomping ground and to see the person you left behind...i am sooo completely different--still love a lot of the same stuff, but now i know i am in complete and total creative control...whoo hooo--how wicked awesome does that feel???

carry on!!!

wow--its been a while since i posted...the point of this post is actually to accumulate the detrius in my life right now and put it in the compost pile so it can ferment--the sadness and pain in it can leach out and the nurtients can go back to the earth, where they belong...

 first off--this woman and her shovel had a difficult time as i dug up a huge piece of buried cement in my back garden and happened to break the handle of my shovel...i cried like a baby--that shovel had been mine for over 20 years...and it was a powerful totem to me...my daughter had asked to have it when i died...i will eventually find a skilled craftsman to replace the worn handle, and maybe i will remember to take care of it and put it in the hut when it rains--but until then, i had to go to the store and buy a new shovel--one felt right after handling and feeling the energy of many...and i did get the 3 foot by 2 foot huge piece of cement buried years ago by the builders of my house out of the ground so i could plant a blue berry bush in its stead...i worked it and worked it and then wrapped a rope around it and with the helps of my two young daughers, we heaved it out of the ground--ofcourse, it was too heavy for me to pick up then--so, in the corner of my yard it lays--a testament to my strength, when i need my strength, and a reminder that with my daughers--and ANY shovel, we can change the world.

 

I also had a tough time losing a friends husband suddenly--he died at 42 years of age in his sleep one night and she couldnt wake him in the morning--he leaves behind a 1st and 4th grader a lovely wife and a huge family of friends-he will be missed tremendously---

 

Stress translated as pain in my body--i had hip and neck issues--and after a short period of feeling sorry for myself--i decided that going to see the accupunturist would be a blessing--she also recommended a nutritionist who i am working with to answer my food confusion--I loved raw food living, but it isnt working for me---so, now i am a transitioning to balanced macrobiotics with raw foods as well--you dont have to be either or, you can be both--and its working tremendously well for me--i am totally energetic--able to leap tall buildings in a single bound....well, you know the deal...

 

I also saw the movie the secret and am very jazzed about it--nothing i didnt already know--but very enjoyable and i will see if there is anyone around these parts interested in talking about it...

 

I am also transitioning off dairy because of sinus issues...sad to lose a good comforting friend, but finally in a place where i feel safe enough to make the change...

 

OK==thats all the junk--off it goes to the compost...mix it all up and the good stuff floats back up to the top--its summer--kids are home--amazing to spend time with them every day--babysitting my sisters parrot--who loves my two other parrots and my dog and my kids and my home and even my cats--she even stopped picking out her feathers and is relaxing and i am hoping she will stay with me--i wont try and manifest it because its her path and my sisters path--but i am hoping my sister does the right thing for the bird.

 

enjoy your fourth of july--i will be relaxing and spending quiet time with family..

 

ali 

 I have believed for a long time that a girl and her shovel can change the world.  Since a young child, i would follow my english master gardener grandfather around my mothers gardens, as he created rock paths from stones dug up, and planted tiny slips of green that would become huge luxuriant plants...i have always been happiest with my hands in the dirt, sweat smeared on my face as i am in the flow of the earth, making things happen.

So, i have a huge garden, and on the outside of my fence it used to just be an overgrown jumble of weeds, pine trees and overgrown yew bushes...so, a few years ago, i ripped that all out and put in beautiful borders and landscaping that i designed and created myself. its been a labor of love to pick the garbage out of the plants that occasionally get thrown out of passing cars, but overall, i love the look, love that i am contributing to the beauty of the area, etc.

well, yesterday, i put in a bunch more flowers and shrubs that my mother had thinned from her garden--i was out there until well past dark, spading in new plants and watering them. One was a gorgeous snow white dutch iris...which is twice the size of the japanese iris and lasts longer--i had ONE flower spike--and thats gonna be it for the year--usually they last about a week.

this mornign--the spike was gone--someone came and picked my ONE flower...

bastards....how can anyone take someone elses flower? and it was something i put there to share with everyone, not keep to myself, which i easily could have done, placing it in my equally lovely backyard garden.

I am just angry...mean people suck.

I had the inkling to click on here today after not being online for a long time. so much has happened since my last post--i spent about a week on the road out west and in the pacific northwest with my dearest friend and my favorite rock and roll band blue oyster cult. Some people dont understand our hobby, so i explain it like--well, we are dead heads without the dead, and we dont act like dead heads, but we follow boc, which is the second most followed band behind the dead, until phish came along and took all the dead heads under their wing. lol..its also nice to have made tons of friends in the process all over the world to connect with and have something in common with, and it doesnt hurt to hang with the band.  Every single person i talk to about this laughs and says, you are a groupie and i say==NO, i am NOT a groupie, i am a friend...anyone who travels in band circles knows the difference...nuff said...so, that was a TON of fun...

 

came back from that, and had a ton of stuff to do in the garden and with the kids and scouts...i was awarded outstanding leader of the year for our service unit on long island and that was pretty cool...my daugher also got some awards and got into national junior honor society and participated in a national garden club flower show--and they both got high awards for the flowers they planted and grew--it was pretty cool.

 

I also got sick with a fever for the first time in 11 years--i know its 11 years because i have lymes disease and anyone who is post lymes knows that when you have a fever, you literally cant move you are in so much pain--so, i remember the last time i had fever my oldest daughter was 1 and my mom came and took her for the duration of my illness...this time, she took care of me...i am so blessed with two wonderful kids, who are so loving and filled with grace and healing energy...it was over mothers day and they gave me amazing massages and healing hands on--by the end of the weekend i was back in the swing of things...

 

I also camped out with the scouts, which i always love--being in the middle of the woods at night--listening to the sound of the great horned owl calling to his mate...the stillness and silence of a spring night--broken only by the sound of spring peeper frogs and the occasional splash of a jumping fish on the pond...i love it so much...being in nature...feeling a part of it...supported...strong, unafraid. nothing beats it...

 

We also made it up to boston again for another red sox game...i love ball--man, do i love it! I dont care who you are, even if you hate the red sox, you have to do a game at fenway and hang out on yawkey way and just drink in the history, and the feeling...its totally amazing...

 

phew....i know there is more--but i am gonna post a more regular blog...with not only what i have been doing, but what i feel as time goes on...

 

hugs alla you zaadsters! alex. 

On my way out the door tomorrow to spend time with some wonderful folks.  ITs totally amazing to me that i met some of my best friends in this whole world because i was interested in a rock and roll band...then looked up their fans site online and came across a huge source of online sites that led me to meet up with folks at shows, get to know the bands and just totally expand my life into an area that i never ever would have thought possible to me....manifesting and believing in the power of positive thinking are wonderful things...so, off i go on a west coast tour and i cant wait, cause its always so much fun...i need occassional time off from home, and kids, and responsibilities to be a free spirit, wiht nothing to do but BE and have fun, and dance and rock it!

on a sadder note--one of my friends would have been 42 the other day...i met him also through bands...such a nice kid...i met my friend scott in vegas a few years back at a show...my best friend and i visited him out on sacramento for another show and he was such a good host to us...such a great guy--he was on the suicide hotline staff, helped some friends through cancer, had a nasty divorce, life was getting good and he got killed in a motor cycle accident--sometimes life doesnt seem fair...but scott reminds me that life is only on loan from the reaper...so life it fully and as rockin as you can...

see you all in a few days. :) ali

This year i participated in what was really an experiment for me...while i was born a catholic...for years i have pretty much been eclectic in my view points...taking a lot of what buddha said to heart--reading extensively on the history of the goddess religions and kind of living happily in the present moment...but a lot of the ritual that i enjoyed as a child had gone from my life--my mom, who i am close to, but have definite maternal issues with over the years (i.e. controlling...you all know the deal!) had switched churches within the catholic parish system, and i happened to go to mass with her one day at this lovely little church and fell in love with the vibe.

let me state that the whole mass thing for me is like an hour of grateful meditation where i sit and feel the amazing energy of people gathered together to try and BE one...i can see auras to a certain extent, so i sit in stillness, reciting the littany from memory--almost instinct and i watch the people with their halos..sometimes seeing amazing power and energy within the congregation...this church definitely gave me a wonderful place to meditate, and i was drawn back into the life of this parish...

In that regard, i volunteered to teach CCD, which is basically religion class for a bunch of 4th graders..i had asked my daughter if she wanted to be confirmed this year--it would make her grandmother happy i said, and if she felt she wanted to do it i would support her--she is aware of, and been privy to my beliefs and she also has very eclectic beliefs...but she decided she wanted to be confirmed, and last week that occurred....

but i am digressing..

so, i taught this class--working from the curriculum, but also discussing the world and adding my own special bent on things--talking about being one--about love--less about rules and more about living fully and deeply and with love and concern for fellow humans and the earth...

I wasnt sure i would like it--i wasnt sure they would like me...or the program...but, today, at the completion--they all asked me to teach them again--their parents RAVED about how much they WANTED to come to religion and be with me, and howmuch they had learned...they also all gave me little gifts and a big hug...

what does this teach me?  it teaches me that kids are open to spirit--that even within the context of an old, staid religion, you can find sparks of light and work it in a positive way and possibly make an impression on a kid...that kids have open and interested hearts, and if you teach them in a caring, loving, curios way, they will respond...

so, needless to say--i am teaching 5th grade next year...i think i got a lot out of this too...and thats pretty cool...

also--packing to go on the road on friday with my favorite band...CANT wait!  i will be gone for 5 days visiting three cities in the west...i will fill you in when i get home!

hugs--alex.

a situation has arisen in my life where someone i love deeply, who has depended on my guidance and support for over 24 years has a big decision to make--the decision will change his life and the life of those who he supports in a good way, but it means going out into the unknown...its not a decision based on going for your dreams--if it was it would be much simpler...

this person is a libra--and loves the status quo, and usually ONLY makes decisions like this if life forces them on him...he also tends to NOT make choices, and in effect makes them....

he wants me to choose for him i think--and i wont--even though it affects me--when do you let someone sink or swim? when do you let someone make their own lives? stand by their own decisions?

its hard to know...

right now i am manifesting that everything will unfold for him just as the universe wishes it to unfold...:)

also busy packing for this weekends roadtrip to the west coast--i absolutely adore being on the road with a rock and roll band and having fun with my friends...some say i should grow out of this--but i think that would just make me old...so, i will do it as long as i can! :)

just got back from a marvelous trip up NAWTH...i live on long island, but spent a wonderful day with friends up in the woods of rhode island...a lovely woodland area with trails filled with wild life and deer and a huge area with a fire pit for bone fires...even though it was raining we sat out there and communed with nature...then off to a big rock and roll show in plymouth and spending fun party time with other great friends before coming home...last week we spent away as well...and now this coming week i am on a cross country trek to the PNW to do a roadtrip with some friends and our favorite rock and roll band...i love my life--its based on experience...based on fun and being with friends and making wonderful vibrant memories...

sometimes though--on days like this, when the laundry is piling up, and i dont have time for all the other wonderful things i want in my life, like writing, and yoga, and meditation and manifesting...i think...its hard to balance...

last night, my man was in a bad mood cause he had to go back to work today.and i thought--durn it--what a way to ruin the weekend--you made choices to forego time to do the stuff you had to do, and now you are in a bad mood cause you had fun instead...but he phrased it differently when we got to the meat of it after discussing his feelings for a while--it was about having such fun and being with family and enjoying it so much that any time spent away from that was time he felt was a torture...

i can dig that...

i plan on working to manifest a sitaution, with his help when we can find time to discuss his dreams...where he can have right lively hood so time away from the wonderful nurturing and fun family experience can also be enjoyable time...

and i plan on finding a balance so i can fit it all in...and still live happily in the present moment, while manifesting a positive future full of my wildest dreams :)

namaste...

last night i didnt sleep very well...i have this insomnia thing..and its not really helpful that my man snores up a storm occasionally...but, this morning, i couldnt help but go back to bed after the kids were on the bus...so, when i woke, i didnt think i would get much done--i was in fact resigned to it...i am also in my moon cycle...so, i usually do rest atleast one day--but that was yesterday...today i also came off a fast...and back onto the raw organic food that i love so much--i knew i was finished with the cleanse cause i was VERY hungry...and relished every bite of delicious, nutritious rawesome food...

so...instead of letting the lazy day happen--cause i have a ton of stuff to do--and lately have been letting it over whelm me, or let it slide and do what i want...i decided to manifest--a totally high energy day where i got a ton of stuff done...

and i am happy to say--that i did more than i thought i could..:)

and i was happy, energetic and in the flow the whole darn time--even found time to come on here and blog it baby!

off to a trip tomorrow to see some dear friends and then see a great band..back on monday to blog again and start listing more of my goals and get to know more people on here :)

hugs and blessings--ali